Exhausted- a lengthy post

Nothing less than fatigue.
I am insane man, i can get damn worked up and agitated because i don't get my sleep. Honestly, I need my breathing space. I have not been stopping to reflect, everyday has been so hectic and busy and i have no time to pause and think about things.

I need my space.

Honestly, I am suffocating. I haven't been able to spend time with myself besides sleeping and journeys to work and back. It's tiring & I need some time for me. It's like everyday has been fun but exhausting and i am tired of having to go out everyday without resting. Somedays i feel like i need a break for me. Just a simple day to myself with no one.

Than i have been thinking and i realized it too that i am too nonchalant about everything and i don't really bother if my actions will affect the way people feels, and its true sometimes its not really that i am oblivious but i choose to be oblivious. Selfish but true. Thats why i don't have a bestfriend. I am way too afraid to put in too much effort into any friendship for fear that the person will disappoint me one day, and i am hard to please honestly. I wld want my bestfriend to react in the way i want her to, crazy but yes. That pretty much explains why i have many good friends but no bestfriends.
And so far, my best friends have been guys and not so pretty successful, i used to think it was good and they were less oversensitive and caring and whatsoever but than when things turned messy and suddenly platonic friendships didn't seem to exist anymore i realised it was enough. Pretty much going to give my time to cool off and yeah if only there's my parallel we'd click perfectly. Obnoxious me.

And duh when things like this happen you can't confide in guys, girls still make the best companions. But as i scroll through my contact list, i find it so tough to type a text abt how upset i am and press the "send" button. Another thing is that i am damn hard to get along with i think. If you're super close to me you'll understand i treat people whom i am nt that close with better, give them more priority and stuff like that my bff has to accept this ridiculous behavioral trait of mine. I throw tantrums at times, always get my ways and hate it if the person ever judge me, you can try talking to me in a soft manner though. I'm more inclined to listening.

And btw i hate divulging things about myself because i have this mentality that people might turn their backs against me and i'll lose everything. Ha, worry control freak. 99% of the time i am in control of whatever i want and will do it, so its useless to talk me out. So yes i am obnoxious, obstinate and idiotic.

Now you know more about belicia. who seems to always be a happy-go-lucky cheerful girl who's carefree oblivious and never sad. Idk what's wrong with me too, sometimes i know i am in the wrong but i will insist on my ways and than i will ultimately win still. Which is why i never change, i know its horrible. Yes it is.

Anyway, ww so cute:
..."just that maybe you should learn how to treasure people around you even more cause it'll mean a lot to them- to us"

aww thats sweet :) i will, don't worry as it is. i alr care for and treasure you guys!

enough of bestie talk hehehe i guess i will never have one. and its hard to find someone that i think won't fail me anyways. hehe belicia is the ultimate bitch. i know that alr tell me something new!